Sometimes I want to be the car crash

So, I think that people are trying to distance themselves from me since I'm leaving in three weeks. Either that, or the other way around. Whatever. It seems that for some strange odd reason, I'm alone most of the time now. What is really grinding me at the moment is how right now in the dating game, it seems that I'm losing to a pre-mi! What the crap?! What is wrong with this picture?! I mean, not to be conceited or anything, but I'm not a bad looking guy. So why am I losing to a dork like him? I dunno. I don't really have much to write after ranting about that anyway.

It's like my iPod's stuck on replay...

So there's an issue with me wanting to get out of San Diego...I kind of don't want to anymore. It's weird. See, before I went to BYU-Idaho the first time, I couldn't wait to get out of this dump and away from the people that were in it. My life before was a complete Hell. I needed out or something bad was going to happen. OK maybe not, but I still wanted out. The same situation for my mission. I wanted out. So I leave for two years, understandably (especially if you knew my feelings and my past, and then there's the fact that no missionary that has at least attempted to work never wants to leave), not wanting to leave Washington. But it was a necessary evil and I came home.

Fast forward a year and a half. I'm about to go back to Rexburg. When I got the news originally, I was ecstatic! I couldn't wait to get out of here again. All of sudden, things started happening. People finally understood who I am, or at least why I am the way I am. And the funny thing is, they either don't care, or they play off it. And then there's the girls...

There's one in particular. I met her about a month ago, and she just won't get out of my head. See, normally, I would have done something by now. The problem is, she has a boyfriend on a mission (stupid move in my opinion. I broke up with my girlfriend a week before I left for the MTC. She wasn't happy at the time, but she is now). That and the fact that I'm wondering if it's even a good idea to do anything other than date at this point since I'm leaving in about a month. Still, she just won't get out of my head! Why now?! There's nothing I can do and it's tearing me apart!

The only solution that I can see at this point is to keep my distance. I'm not going to ask her to do anything that she doesn't want to do. So even if she reads this and figures it out, or anyone else who knows who I'm talking about, you know what, go ahead and tell her. I give you permission. The ball's in her court now.

An Interesting Day

A lot of highs and lows today. First and foremost on everyone’s mind was the baptism of a friend. Amazing. Simply amazing. I thought I was going to cry. I didn’t but it was close. Anyway, happiness and joy abound. A lot of people turned out for it, too. I can’t say that enough.

The thing that tends to be pressing on my mind the most at the moment is in the third hour of Church today. It was a combined meeting with the priesthood and Relief Society. I taught with the RS President about home teaching. I think the lesson itself went well and afterward we went into the cultural hall so that people could actually meet their home teachers. When we went into the cultural hall and broke off into our groups with the different home teaching companionships, one of the girls in my group, who I thought I was cool with even though we haven’t talked since my sister left, was looking at me with utter contempt, like she wanted to kill me. Seriously?! What did I do? I mean, I had to have done something that made her so hateful toward me. Geez…

Silly people and their assumptions…

It's amazing the type of things that weigh on the mind. This last experience couldn't help but make me laugh. It's amazing how people can just assume things that really aren't even close to reality. That's not to say that I'm not guilty of the same thing, but when it's about you…well…heh, it's just funny. I guess thinking back to how I was in high school, if someone thought that about me I probably would have gotten on the defensive. In a way, I kind of am now, but not so much anymore.

Anyway, Friday was the Rock Out dance. I kept getting messages on my phone asking for an old friend, an ex-girlfriend actually, to give her ride to the dance. I said OK, and I picked her up after I got another friend who was never comfortable driving her own car. When we got to the dance, everything was fine, except for the fact that there was no one there...at least at first. We got there at 9:30, thinking that there was going to be more people than there were since it started at 9. People started trickling in from when we got there but it still wasn't anything impressive yet. We start dancing and my ex wanted to go and get some different pants on that weren't going to be dragging on the floor. So I took her back to where she's staying and waited while she changed.

We get back to the dance, and it's wall-to-wall people. That was more like it. We started dancing again and we got close. It seems that this raised a few eyebrows of people who I knew there. A lot are in my Ward. The dance ended, and I was invited to go to Denny's afterward. I even reconnected with another girl who I hadn't seen since I left for Rexburg back in 2005. If she hadn't moved and didn't live 12 hours away I would have considered asking her out. Oh well. I dropped my ex and another friend off before going to Denny's for the after-party we usually have after the dances. The friend I picked up before my ex pulled me aside and asked if we were going out. That floored me. I couldn't help but laugh and think, "Sorry, I don't double dip". I just shook my head and said, "No".

I thought it was funny how people just assume that you dance with someone it means something. Nope, sorry. There's a reason why the analogy for assume is "making an ASS of U and ME".

Where art thou?

And yes, ladies and gentlemen, the emo kid has once again surfaced! Geez, I need a new hobby…

But all that aside, I am actually wondering what kind of impact I do make with people around here. These last few weeks, I couldn't help but feel like I've been forsaken, in a way, by everyone, including the Lord. Nothing seems to have been going right the last six weeks. Sleeping's been an issue. At the same time, I wonder if anyone really cares. It seems that respect is lacking in all directions. Work is a big issue. I need a new job. The one I have just isn't cutting it. I may have blown it with a few of the girls I'm interested in. I need to make up my mind on whether or not I do want a girlfriend right now, it keeps going back and forth.

I don't know. As of late, I've just been doubting mostly everything lately. I can't help but cry out in my heart sometimes, "O, God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?" I need Thursday. I also need a blessing. Maybe I can get one later today….

Sweet dreams and confirmation

So there has been a very interesting turn in events. One of a joyous nature and the other that makes me want to have the same joy, but with a hint of worry as well. I'll talk about the first situation, well, first.

One of my sister's friends started dating a guy she met in one of her classes. He wasn't a member, much to the dismay of her family, but they still welcomed him in. She invited him to come to Church the week after they started dating and he's been coming ever since. That was about 3 months ago, and since he and I became pretty good friends. I guess also during that time, he was taking the lessons. When he told his family about this, he found out that a few months earlier that his brother has joined. He has since set a date to be baptized this weekend.

Now the other situation: I have another friend who has been coming to Church since November with someone who was reluctant to come to the YSA Ward to begin with. Since then, she was meeting with the missionaries, of which I had the pleasure of being at a few of them. She's come a long way and is definitely ready to be baptized and has a date set for later this month. Except for a few things…

She doesn't think that she has received a confirmation on everything yet.

This is troubling to me, even though I know that she has had many. I'm not going to go into detail about what she has experienced (that's not something that I think she would want me blabbing about on the blog-o-sphere), but sometimes when it comes to confirmations about Gospel principles, I have the feeling that we expect to have this grand revelation comparable to Joseph Smith's First Vision. This isn't how it works at all. What happened to Joseph was a rare occurrence. It doesn't happen that often. The scriptures teach that the voice of the Spirit is "a still voice of perfect mildness, as if it had been a whisper" not a "voice of thunder [or] great tumultuous noise" (see 3 Nephi 11:3).

You all know how long I've been looking for a new councilor to be a part of the Elder's Quorum Presidency as well as teachers. I had been searching and praying, asking for the guidance on who I should recommend to the Stake President to replace the one who left. A good six weeks, at least. It wasn't until last night at 2 in the morning that I got the confirmation that I was looking for. SIX WEEKS LATER! All in the Lord's time.

President Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said this: "Occasionally [the Spirit] will press firmly enough for us to pay heed. But most of the time, if we do not heed the gentle feeling, the Spirit will withdraw and wait until we come seeking and listening and say in our manner and expression, like Samuel of ancient times, 'Speak [Lord], for they servant heareth' (1 Sam. 3:10)."

This is not saying that we will receive the confirmation right away. Like I said, it took 6 weeks before I knew who to call. Sometimes, when an important decision comes, it is important to exercise faith. This is putting our trust completely in the Lord. In the case of not getting baptized because you haven't received a confirmation, think about this: perhaps it's because the Lord expects you to act without Him having to tell you and then telling you if it's right or not after you have done it, or are about to do it. Sometimes, we just have to make up our mind and do it. We can't be expected to be guided by the hand the entire time.

So what now? Well, now is the time to act. We will know if what we are doing is right or wrong based on what Mormon wrote to his son Moroni toward the end of the Book of Mormon: "…the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil;…for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore you may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God." (Moroni 7:16)

Dream Girl

Ah the beauties of the Facebook homepage! So I came across a note posted by one of my friends called "Dream Girl" It's good stuff. I just a few things to say about it…Of course, don't I always?
It speaks of the contrast of marriage for time only and marriage for eternity, the Gospel principles involved and whatnot. Like I said, good stuff.

Now the rant: Most people I think miss the point of the story. What it speaks of is looking for someone who is close to the Gospel and the Lord while bringing yourself closer as well. This kind of goes hand in hand with my rants on dating and love as well. People, I don't think realize that we have these standards of people that we want (physical features aside) in spouses. However, if do not have ourselves set to the same standard, we are hypocrites. How in the world do we expect to find and keep someone who is so good for us, if all we do is drag them down because we don't want to live up to what we know we should. In other words, we need to become the type of person we want in a spouse.

So why is this so hard? It really shouldn't be! I wish I knew the answer to that. Do any of you?