2 to 1 We'll Pull It Off

This was an interesting day. I'm back in my element. Because of that, I'm actually able to help others find what they're looking for. I just hope I don't screw anything up for me in the process.

Anyway, what happened today was one of my roommates wanted to build a snowman for a sister missionary he knew on his mission. She had never experienced snow at all and wanted a picture of him with the snowman. He enlisted my help. I figure, why not? It'll be fun. Then I thought about adding another element to the mix. Girls. You see, he hadn't had much to do with that since he's been out here. Don't know why, really, but whatever. So I text one of my second cousin's roommates to see if she and her roommates wanted to go do that. She seemed pretty skeptical at first, but we won her and one other roommate over.

We go to Porter Park and attempt to make a snowman from scratch but that failed since the snow was nothing but powder. We end up building it from remnants of other snowmen that were destroyed by some teenage punks in town. Meanwhile, he and she were hitting it off beautifully. It reminded me of when I was trying to set up Spencer back in 2005. Difference is, that ended up backfiring a tad. Different story for a different time, though.

We take the two girls back to their apartment and part ways. I get a text from the girl asking if we were going to an 80s dance. As it turns out, that's not for another few weeks, so we went ballroom dancing at the Kirkham Building. That was fun. And that was when things started to heat up between my roommate and my cousin's.

You see, being raised by an interpersonal professor who loves to put an emphasis on body language, you tend to pick up a thing or two. Looking at both of them tonight, I saw that they were REALLY into each other, but while trying to not let the other know. So much for that, right? We dropped them off and came back to our apartment. Needless to say, my roommate was giddy the rest of the way home. It was actually really funny.

Anyway, we get back and immediately, the girl texts me and asks for his number. She actually beat us to the punch. Originally, I was going to text her to see if she wanted his number. That would tell just how interested she really was. But she answered that already by texting me for his number.

Now my dilemma. There are honestly too many girls for me to choose from up here. However, some are making it easier for me to choose them than others. And the weird thing is, they seem to just pop out of the woodwork. Kind of weird, but really cool at the same time. I am just wondering how this is all going to pan out. Granted, there are some things I need to take care of first. A job being priority number one. As much as I don't want to admit it, but girls are going to have to take a backseat to that for the time being.

Still, a little fun never hurt anybody.

I know you feel it, too. These words get over used

So I've been up in Rexburg for almost a month now. It's pretty nice being back, but at the same time I still miss San Diego. It kind of makes me wonder what kind of impact I made while I was there.

Also, I've decided that I'm pretty hopeless when it comes to the whole "unrequited love" thing. Granted, with this girl, I haven't even known her for 4 months yet, but I still can't stop thinking about her. And while there were a lot of girls who I was interested in and would have loved to see progress further than they were, there was still her. Unfortunately, there was and still is nothing that can be done. We both have principles that will not be broken considering the situation.

You see, the problem isn't that I can't stop thinking about her. It's that I see her almost everywhere. And this is never a good thing. I think I'm losing my mind. And the thing is, she probably never even felt the same way.

Sometimes I want to be the car crash

So, I think that people are trying to distance themselves from me since I'm leaving in three weeks. Either that, or the other way around. Whatever. It seems that for some strange odd reason, I'm alone most of the time now. What is really grinding me at the moment is how right now in the dating game, it seems that I'm losing to a pre-mi! What the crap?! What is wrong with this picture?! I mean, not to be conceited or anything, but I'm not a bad looking guy. So why am I losing to a dork like him? I dunno. I don't really have much to write after ranting about that anyway.

It's like my iPod's stuck on replay...

So there's an issue with me wanting to get out of San Diego...I kind of don't want to anymore. It's weird. See, before I went to BYU-Idaho the first time, I couldn't wait to get out of this dump and away from the people that were in it. My life before was a complete Hell. I needed out or something bad was going to happen. OK maybe not, but I still wanted out. The same situation for my mission. I wanted out. So I leave for two years, understandably (especially if you knew my feelings and my past, and then there's the fact that no missionary that has at least attempted to work never wants to leave), not wanting to leave Washington. But it was a necessary evil and I came home.

Fast forward a year and a half. I'm about to go back to Rexburg. When I got the news originally, I was ecstatic! I couldn't wait to get out of here again. All of sudden, things started happening. People finally understood who I am, or at least why I am the way I am. And the funny thing is, they either don't care, or they play off it. And then there's the girls...

There's one in particular. I met her about a month ago, and she just won't get out of my head. See, normally, I would have done something by now. The problem is, she has a boyfriend on a mission (stupid move in my opinion. I broke up with my girlfriend a week before I left for the MTC. She wasn't happy at the time, but she is now). That and the fact that I'm wondering if it's even a good idea to do anything other than date at this point since I'm leaving in about a month. Still, she just won't get out of my head! Why now?! There's nothing I can do and it's tearing me apart!

The only solution that I can see at this point is to keep my distance. I'm not going to ask her to do anything that she doesn't want to do. So even if she reads this and figures it out, or anyone else who knows who I'm talking about, you know what, go ahead and tell her. I give you permission. The ball's in her court now.

An Interesting Day

A lot of highs and lows today. First and foremost on everyone’s mind was the baptism of a friend. Amazing. Simply amazing. I thought I was going to cry. I didn’t but it was close. Anyway, happiness and joy abound. A lot of people turned out for it, too. I can’t say that enough.

The thing that tends to be pressing on my mind the most at the moment is in the third hour of Church today. It was a combined meeting with the priesthood and Relief Society. I taught with the RS President about home teaching. I think the lesson itself went well and afterward we went into the cultural hall so that people could actually meet their home teachers. When we went into the cultural hall and broke off into our groups with the different home teaching companionships, one of the girls in my group, who I thought I was cool with even though we haven’t talked since my sister left, was looking at me with utter contempt, like she wanted to kill me. Seriously?! What did I do? I mean, I had to have done something that made her so hateful toward me. Geez…

Silly people and their assumptions…

It's amazing the type of things that weigh on the mind. This last experience couldn't help but make me laugh. It's amazing how people can just assume things that really aren't even close to reality. That's not to say that I'm not guilty of the same thing, but when it's about you…well…heh, it's just funny. I guess thinking back to how I was in high school, if someone thought that about me I probably would have gotten on the defensive. In a way, I kind of am now, but not so much anymore.

Anyway, Friday was the Rock Out dance. I kept getting messages on my phone asking for an old friend, an ex-girlfriend actually, to give her ride to the dance. I said OK, and I picked her up after I got another friend who was never comfortable driving her own car. When we got to the dance, everything was fine, except for the fact that there was no one there...at least at first. We got there at 9:30, thinking that there was going to be more people than there were since it started at 9. People started trickling in from when we got there but it still wasn't anything impressive yet. We start dancing and my ex wanted to go and get some different pants on that weren't going to be dragging on the floor. So I took her back to where she's staying and waited while she changed.

We get back to the dance, and it's wall-to-wall people. That was more like it. We started dancing again and we got close. It seems that this raised a few eyebrows of people who I knew there. A lot are in my Ward. The dance ended, and I was invited to go to Denny's afterward. I even reconnected with another girl who I hadn't seen since I left for Rexburg back in 2005. If she hadn't moved and didn't live 12 hours away I would have considered asking her out. Oh well. I dropped my ex and another friend off before going to Denny's for the after-party we usually have after the dances. The friend I picked up before my ex pulled me aside and asked if we were going out. That floored me. I couldn't help but laugh and think, "Sorry, I don't double dip". I just shook my head and said, "No".

I thought it was funny how people just assume that you dance with someone it means something. Nope, sorry. There's a reason why the analogy for assume is "making an ASS of U and ME".

Where art thou?

And yes, ladies and gentlemen, the emo kid has once again surfaced! Geez, I need a new hobby…

But all that aside, I am actually wondering what kind of impact I do make with people around here. These last few weeks, I couldn't help but feel like I've been forsaken, in a way, by everyone, including the Lord. Nothing seems to have been going right the last six weeks. Sleeping's been an issue. At the same time, I wonder if anyone really cares. It seems that respect is lacking in all directions. Work is a big issue. I need a new job. The one I have just isn't cutting it. I may have blown it with a few of the girls I'm interested in. I need to make up my mind on whether or not I do want a girlfriend right now, it keeps going back and forth.

I don't know. As of late, I've just been doubting mostly everything lately. I can't help but cry out in my heart sometimes, "O, God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?" I need Thursday. I also need a blessing. Maybe I can get one later today….