I think I'm going emo...

So this has been an interesting couple of weeks. You know, ever since I've been home, I would have thought that things would have been better. In a way, they have been, because people are starting to realize that I am not the same guy they thought they knew in high school. I want to say that I've changed for the better but, then again, I don't know. It's been an interesting ride this last couple of months.

Anyway, this week. It seems that with my new calling, people tend to start coming to me for their problems and advice and whatnot. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind it, sometimes I enjoy it, but there have been things that have come up and situations that have happened that have made me disappointed in some people. One of those people is myself.

I don't know why I have such a hard time doing some of the things that I was looking forward to doing when I was on my mission. I was recently told that with one of the things it was because I'm actually "looking for something" now. Yes and no. Before the mish, it was all fun and games, and a part of me knew that they weren't going to last. Maybe it's some old fears playing a part again.

The thing is, it didn't hit this hard until this weekend. Those things that happened threw me for a loop and I started thinking about the things I did in the past and how it must have made other people feel when I did similar things. This brings up another question, why is this affecting me so much? It shouldn't. And yet it is. Why? GAH!! So confusing!! Then again, I sometimes wonder why it's so hard for us sometimes to see what's in front of our faces. Lately, it always seems like it's the most obvious things that escape our view. It reminds of me of a song by the Ataris "We spend our whole lives searching for all the things we think we want, yet never really knowing what we have".